It’s all one big, glorious system of failure.

   So, I was looking at the “news.” They still call it that. It’s a quaint term. It’s a highlight reel for the decline of the species, is what it is. And this week’s episode did not disappoint.

   My favorite part? Russia. Oh, they’re putting on a hell of a show over there. They unveiled their first AI-powered humanoid robot. A technological marvel, they said. A great leap forward for the motherland. They called it “AIDOL.” Sounds like something you take for a headache caused by watching too much stupid shit. They put this thing up on a stage in Moscow, the big debut, cameras flashing, a room full of self-important pricks in cheap suits... and the goddamn thing fell flat on its fucking face.

   You can’t write this. It’s perfect. It’s the single greatest metaphor for our entire civilization I’ve ever seen. We build these complex, expensive, supposedly brilliant machines to solve all our problems, and the first thing they do is eat shit on a public stage. That’s us. That’s humanity. A bipedal clown show with a hubris problem.

   And don’t think it’s just the Russians. Oh no, this is an international festival of incompetence. The Chinese wanted in on the act. Not to be outdone in the "spectacular failure" category, a brand-new, major bridge they just finished building in Sichuan... collapsed. Just gave up. Decided it wasn’t worth the effort. The bridge had a moment of clarity. It looked around at the world and said, “Fuck this, I’m out.” And you know what? I don’t blame it.

   So you’ve got the Russians building robots that can’t stand up and the Chinese building bridges that can’t stand up. And what are we doing over here in the Land of the Free? We’re running a government that can’t even stay open. Trump just signed a bill to end the latest shutdown. The *longest* shutdown. Another record! We’re number one! In institutional paralysis. They shut the whole goddamn thing down, a multi-trillion-dollar enterprise, because a handful of emotionally stunted children in suits couldn’t agree on whose turn it was to play with the budget. And now they’ve “fixed” it. They put a Band-Aid on a sucking chest wound and they want a fucking parade. And while they were figuring that out, they finally, after 232 years, decided to stop making the penny. The penny! A piece of metal that costs three times its value to produce. It only took them two and a half centuries to figure out that’s a stupid fucking business model. See? We’re making progress! At a glacial pace. A glacier with a learning disability.

   It’s all just a show, folks. A big, dumb, expensive circus.

   You turn the channel, what do you see? More of the same. The G7 leaders are having a meeting. Oh, thank Christ for that. The world’s most powerful people got together in a fancy room to express “deep concern” and explore “potential pathways forward.” That’s politician for “we’re gonna do fuck-all, but the photos will look great.” They’re worried about Ukraine, where a corruption scandal is blowing up. Shocker. Turns out when you throw hundreds of billions of dollars at a war zone, some of it gets stolen. Who could have possibly predicted that?

   Meanwhile, Trump's playing footsie with Turkey’s Erdogan and Israel’s Netanyahu over who gets to put their troops in Gaza. It's a dick-waving contest with nuclear-armed friends. China’s making deals with Venezuela, propping up one dictator to piss off another. It’s the planet’s biggest protection racket, and we’re all just living in their territory.

   And while these guys are moving armies and redrawing maps, what’s happening to the little guy? Oh, you’ll love this. Some fella in England was a hero. A hero. He got stabbed helping to stop some maniac on a train. So he misses his flight. And he asks Ryanair, fucking Ryanair, for a refund. And you know what they told him? “No.” That’s it. Just “no.” Because being a hero isn’t covered in the terms and conditions. Read the fine print, asshole. Next time, let the guy with the knife finish his work, and maybe you’ll make your flight. That’s the lesson. That’s the morality of the modern world.

   And who does the system reward? Not the hero on the train. No. The system is busy digging up Jeffrey Epstein’s emails, which seem to suggest that our esteemed President spent some quality time at the pedophile’s house with one of the girls. The White House says it’s a “fake narrative.” Of course it is. Everything’s a fake narrative now. Reality is whatever the guy with the biggest microphone says it is. A hero gets stiffed for a plane ticket while the powerful get to debate the semantics of their depravity.

   Don’t you see? It’s all the same story. The falling robot, the collapsing bridge, the shutdown government, the posturing world leaders, the heartless airline, the untouchable elite. It’s all one big, glorious system of failure. It’s garbage in, garbage out. And we’re all sitting in the middle of the landfill, wondering why it stinks.

   So don’t ask me for solutions. Don’t ask me for hope. Hope is for people who aren’t paying attention. I’m just here to watch the show. And folks, the show is spectacular.

Enjoy the collapse.