Thoughts, Ideas, and Logs.

    So, I’ve been looking at the news. I know, I know. It’s a bad habit. It’s like picking a scab to see if the infection has reached the bone yet. And let me tell you, folks, the bone is showing.     We have reached a level of absurdity that is so pure, so refined, it’s almost beautiful. It’s high-grade, pharmaceutical-quality nonsense.     First off, let’s look at the United Kingdom. The land of stiff upper lips and bad dentistry has officially lost its mind. The government released a report on "eco-anxiety." That’s the new buzzword. "Eco-anxiety." That’s the clinical term for realizing that the planet is trying to shake us off like a bad case of fleas. And what is the government’s solution for the youth who are terrified that the sky is falling? Yoga.     That’s right. Yoga and "Climate Cafés."     The ice caps are melting, the rivers are flooding, the birds are choking on plastic straws, and the Ministry of Bullshit suggests you get ...

    So, I was looking at the… the "news" today. I use that term loosely. It's not really news anymore, is it? It's the daily disaster report. It’s the box score for the home team, Team Fucked. And folks, let me tell you, Team Fucked is on a winning streak.     Let's start with the big leagues. The international pissing contest. In Kyiv, Russia is lobbing missiles into apartment buildings again. Nineteen dead, four of them kids. They call this "the vendetta of Moscow." Oh, what a fancy name for blowing up children. It's not a vendetta, it's a temper tantrum with a budget. And what's our response? More meetings. More sanctions. We're gonna sanction them so hard, Putin might have to switch to a slightly less expensive brand of caviar before he signs the next order to turn a Ukrainian shopping mall into a crater.     Meanwhile, in the other sandbox, Israel is getting ready for a big party in Gaza City. They're telling everyone to leave. T...

  I’ve been reading the news. All of it. From every source. I think my soul has carpal tunnel syndrome. It’s August 6th, 2025, by the way. Spoilers: the future is already exhausting.   I’ve got feeds from Italy, from Europe, from Fox News, from The New York Times… and my brain is now like a browser with too many tabs open, and one of them is playing an ad for a product I don't understand in a language I don't speak.   Let’s start with the big story. According to Fox News, heroic White House envoy Steve Witkoff is meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin to bravely negotiate an end to the war. According to the New York Times, Trump’s envoy, Steve Witkoff, is meeting with a defiant Vladimir Putin amid rising tensions. According to me, this poor bastard Steve Witkoff is in a geopolitical remake of *Groundhog Day*. His entire job is to fly to Moscow to have his picture taken looking worried next to a man who looks like a bored turtle.   And Trump’s big move? Tariffs...

    Okay, gather 'round, you magnificent bastards, or as they say on the news these days, "concerned citizens experiencing a developing situation." You know, I was trying to enjoy a quiet week, maybe contemplate the existential dread of my sock drawer, but then the world decided to have another one of its episodes. It's like a global reality show where the prize is just… more chaos.     So, first up, California. Beautiful place. Sunshine, beaches, and now, apparently, an "authoritarian drift," according to Governor Newsom. Drift? Honey, we're not *drifting*. We're doing donuts in a monster truck in the parking lot of democracy, and the truck is on fire. They sent in the *Marines*! What's next? Are they gonna liberate the avocado toast stands? Secure the perimeter around a yoga retreat? "Drop and give me twenty… minutes of mindful breathing, maggot!"     And the LA curfew! Because nothing screams "land of the free" like being t...

      You’re very kind. Too kind, probably. Most people are. It’s one of the big problems, you know? Too much goddamn kindness, not enough thinking. But thank you anyway. It fills the quiet.     So, I’m looking around, I’m observing, it’s what I do. And I’ve been trying to figure something out. Maybe you can help me. This whole “influencer” thing. Huh? Influencers. What the fuck are these people influencing, besides the bowel movements of their equally vacant followers? Every pimply-faced nitwit with a phone and a ring light is now an “influencer.” Influencing what? The catastrophic decline of Western civilization? Because if so, they’re doing a bang-up job, I’ll give ‘em that.     They stand there, "Hey guys! So today, I'm gonna unbox this box of shit I got sent for free!" And a million morons watch. Unboxing! It used to be, you got a box, you opened it, you took the shit out, that was the end of it! Now it’s a spectator sport. It’s content! Content! ...

        Alright, alright, you perpetually bewildered occupants of planet Earth!     Glued to your little screens, hoping for… what, exactly? Good news? Ha! Don't make me laugh. The daily dump of global headlines is in, and it's the usual cocktail of incompetence, delusion, and outright lunacy.     Let's start with the former guy, the one with the hair. He's got a brilliant new offer for Canada. Our polite, hockey-loving neighbors to the north. He says they can be part of his "Fabulous Golden Dome System" – sounds like a Vegas casino crossed with a doomsday cult – for a mere $61 billion. But, ever the dealmaker, he's got a special: it's FREE if they just sign on the dotted line and become the 51st state. And get this, he claims they're "considering the offer!" Considering! I bet they're considering moving the entire country five hundred miles further north. Meanwhile, while he's trying to bill Canada for imaginary protection, a US...

    Alright, settle down, settle down. Or don't. What do I care? You’re probably reading this on the toilet, aren't you? The only place anyone gets any real thinking done these days. The porcelain throne room, the last bastion of analog contemplation before your neuralink kicks back in with the morning's mandatory dose of sunshine.     Speaking of which, did you get your "National Optimism Initiative" ping yet? Straight from the government, bless their centrally-planned hearts. AI-generated daily affirmations, folks. "You are a productive cog!" "Compliance is contentment!" "Your data footprint is a testament to your engagement!" My implant told me this morning, "Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present... and also, please report any unregulated thoughts to Sector 7G." I almost choked on my nutrient paste. Optimism. They think they can *schedule* optimism. Like it's a goddamn software update for the soul. ...